Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Ready, Aim, Fire!

There are legends younger than Chinese plumbing. Once you leave the big cities, or 'bigger' cities, the toilet is nothing more than a hole in the ground -- sometimes disguised as something more with the construction of a tiled platform, which creates a trough over which to squat.

As a little girl, I wished to pee like a boy. It seemed 'cooler' to stand instead of sit and with the logic of a young child, I was unaware that the reason behind the gender based methods of going to the bathroom were based on sound physiological reasons. I tried it once and ended up giving my right leg a shower. And that was the end of that... until now. Like bad alignment on a car, I pull to the right and I've left the Chinese toilets on more than one occasion leaving a single wet footprint in my path.

Entering the WC in China, at first, was a humorous experience for me... with several heads poking up from the waist high partitions, all I could see were pairs of eyes set in a funny sort of concentration, all looking at me. It reminded me of an arcade game where you pound a mallet on the head of a little gopher that pops up erratically from a series of holes. It's generally not a good idea to bop people on the head while they are using the toilet, though, so I ignored the image and found my own wall to peer over.

There is little privacy in China for some matters and in general, the society is communal... and using the toilet is no exception. Sometimes there are no partitions at all and once or twice I've found myself a mere 3 inches away from my neighbor, squatting over a hole, with stage fright. It's particularly embarrassing to have alignment problems when in full view of others -- I've had to call upon ballet training from childhood to correct the problem and I'm sure my bathroom neighbors think I pee funny.

There's a funny sort of etiquette concerning the queue in a Chinese toilet... there is no line, really. People just stand in front of someone else who is squatting over the trough and wait for them to finish. It's a bit of a face off in appearance, except that the person using the toilet is at knee-level, not eye-level, and hence at a disadvantage... except for the fact that they are the one using the toilet, not waiting.

The only other technique necessary when using such toilets is also the most important: making sure flies don't get caught in my underwear when I pull my pants up.

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