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Americans Abroad, Pt. V
...a continuing series on people, perceptions, and stereotypes discovered on the road
Before coming on this trip, I saw a kit advertised in a popular magazine -- it was designed to transform traveling Americans into Canadian citizens. For something like 25 bucks, you can purchase a Canadian flag t-shirt, lapel pin, luggage patch, key chain, and baseball cap (which is ironically a dead give away for being American, at least in Europe).
While traveling, I have certainly seen a fair share of so-called Canadians decked out in the 'Go Canadian' kit. The predominant color of their wardrobes is red and white, their backpacks are red and white with a Canadian flag patch stitched on (we saw one flag patch that was literally the size of a pillow case). They wear t-shirts emblazoned, simply, with the word 'Canada', and sport the lapel pins and key chains in prominent places. I've seen entire families dressed this way, as if it were a uniform and the family some sort of promotional team required to dress like dorks.
The Canadians I have met wore none of this stuff. The only give-away that they were Canadian was the consistent use of the question, "Eh?" in conversation. I'm not saying the people I've seen who resemble gullible victims of a crafty Canadian souvenir salesman are not, in fact, Canadian. They may very well be people whose idea of a fashion statement revolves around wearing maple leaves and a simple color palette. Or they may just be proud to be Canadian. Or, more likely, they do not want to be confused with Americans -- we're all so similar in terms of appearance and speech in comparison with the rest of the world's countries. In a way, Canada is like pork, 'the other white meat'.
I was thinking about this the other day and have come up with a solution to all of this silliness. We, the U.S., should just invade Canada and put the issue to rest. If we take over their country, we can finally have all of North America to ourselves. Of course to achieve that, we'd also have to capture Mexico, but since we're at it, why the hell not?
Think about it. There are lots of good reasons to take Canada. For one, we could finally unite Alaska with the rest of the States -- why should I have to travel over an entirely different country just to reach one of our own states, anyway? Also, we could have all of Niagara Falls to ourselves -- I always thought the old, 'this is your half and this is ours' business was a bit childish.... treating this great attraction of nature the same way brothers and sisters treat the back seat of a car, with imaginary lines divvying up space into 'yours' and 'mine'. Those of us who took French in high school would finally have a reason to use the language. And, for just a short bit of time while lawyers sorted things out, we would have access to cheap pharmaceuticals.
We would have to make a lot of changes. We would ditch the maple leaf emblem for sure. Nothing says 'wimp' like a leaf, especially one that dries up and lays in heaps on the ground for periods of the year. We would eliminate the use of the question, "Eh?" as it is not a complete sentence. We would abandon the Canadian rule that its flag should not be used as a table or seat cover because once they are part of America, what other good use would there be for the Canadian flag but for collecting stains and dropped food at the dinner table and for keeping the sofa clean? Knowing us, we would probably 'officially' require the French speaking citizens to use English, although that would be too bad for those of us who took French in high school and would like someone to practice with. Of course, we would be flexible on that point -- we would add French to the signage in our hospitals that already includes Spanish and, in some cities, Tagalog. We would require the Canadian Mounties to move along into the 21st century and adopt the use of high speed automobiles instead of old fashioned horsies.
As you can see, there is a lot of work ahead of us, my fellow Americans (and Americans-to-be). Just the thought of it makes me tired, but in order to sort out the identity crises that have come to plague both Americans and Canadians, I am up for the challenge.
Before coming on this trip, I saw a kit advertised in a popular magazine -- it was designed to transform traveling Americans into Canadian citizens. For something like 25 bucks, you can purchase a Canadian flag t-shirt, lapel pin, luggage patch, key chain, and baseball cap (which is ironically a dead give away for being American, at least in Europe).
While traveling, I have certainly seen a fair share of so-called Canadians decked out in the 'Go Canadian' kit. The predominant color of their wardrobes is red and white, their backpacks are red and white with a Canadian flag patch stitched on (we saw one flag patch that was literally the size of a pillow case). They wear t-shirts emblazoned, simply, with the word 'Canada', and sport the lapel pins and key chains in prominent places. I've seen entire families dressed this way, as if it were a uniform and the family some sort of promotional team required to dress like dorks.
The Canadians I have met wore none of this stuff. The only give-away that they were Canadian was the consistent use of the question, "Eh?" in conversation. I'm not saying the people I've seen who resemble gullible victims of a crafty Canadian souvenir salesman are not, in fact, Canadian. They may very well be people whose idea of a fashion statement revolves around wearing maple leaves and a simple color palette. Or they may just be proud to be Canadian. Or, more likely, they do not want to be confused with Americans -- we're all so similar in terms of appearance and speech in comparison with the rest of the world's countries. In a way, Canada is like pork, 'the other white meat'.
I was thinking about this the other day and have come up with a solution to all of this silliness. We, the U.S., should just invade Canada and put the issue to rest. If we take over their country, we can finally have all of North America to ourselves. Of course to achieve that, we'd also have to capture Mexico, but since we're at it, why the hell not?
Think about it. There are lots of good reasons to take Canada. For one, we could finally unite Alaska with the rest of the States -- why should I have to travel over an entirely different country just to reach one of our own states, anyway? Also, we could have all of Niagara Falls to ourselves -- I always thought the old, 'this is your half and this is ours' business was a bit childish.... treating this great attraction of nature the same way brothers and sisters treat the back seat of a car, with imaginary lines divvying up space into 'yours' and 'mine'. Those of us who took French in high school would finally have a reason to use the language. And, for just a short bit of time while lawyers sorted things out, we would have access to cheap pharmaceuticals.
We would have to make a lot of changes. We would ditch the maple leaf emblem for sure. Nothing says 'wimp' like a leaf, especially one that dries up and lays in heaps on the ground for periods of the year. We would eliminate the use of the question, "Eh?" as it is not a complete sentence. We would abandon the Canadian rule that its flag should not be used as a table or seat cover because once they are part of America, what other good use would there be for the Canadian flag but for collecting stains and dropped food at the dinner table and for keeping the sofa clean? Knowing us, we would probably 'officially' require the French speaking citizens to use English, although that would be too bad for those of us who took French in high school and would like someone to practice with. Of course, we would be flexible on that point -- we would add French to the signage in our hospitals that already includes Spanish and, in some cities, Tagalog. We would require the Canadian Mounties to move along into the 21st century and adopt the use of high speed automobiles instead of old fashioned horsies.
As you can see, there is a lot of work ahead of us, my fellow Americans (and Americans-to-be). Just the thought of it makes me tired, but in order to sort out the identity crises that have come to plague both Americans and Canadians, I am up for the challenge.
posted by Cheryn at 12:00 PM
1 Comments:
Yeah, I'm right with you on this one Cheryn. I've also had it with America Jr.
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