Free Stuff

It was like a fairy sprinkled magic dust on us last night. Everywhere we went, we were met with a free drink and people gave us free food. At 'The No Hassle Bar', we were given a free beer because the woman was drunk and must have thought everyone else should be, too. Another woman there gave us soup from a clay pot her 'boyfriend' ordered. He didn't seem to mind that he was sharing his dinner with us, though. Some British guys offered us some of the chips (french fries) they ordered. And then on our way home, we met a bunch of Africans and they took us out for a beer, "We'll buy you a drink," they said. And they also ordered soup in a clay pot and made us eat some of that, too.

I also got my fortune told for free and my palm read by one of the Africans (South Africa). He had other intentions, though. He just wanted to hold my hand. Several of the Africans stated, at some time in the evening, that I should leave Benjamin and have their babies. Or something like that. The last thing I remember is the guy from Nigeria wooing me with his family's wealth back in Africa. They have a Mercedes and a Hummer and both would be comfortable vehicles for me should I go to Africa with him. He thought we were a match made in heaven because we both happened to be the same age. With that reasoning, suddenly there are so many fish in the sea!!

The South African 'fortune teller' told me that I would be famous, but only if I have the son he prophesized I would have (and by the end of the evening, I was supposed to have this son with him). He also told me that I have a guardian angel who is pissed at me for ignoring him. I am supposed to 'cleanse' myself by praying and then cracking an egg over my head, while naked, and smear the contents all over my body. I was confused about this ritual, though, because at first David (that's the So African's name) told me I was supposed to be alone and then later he told me I would need a guide because strange things can come out of the egg when you crack it open. He volunteered to come by and be my guide. I passed.

Of course, Benjamin had no clue about all of this... don't know how he couldn't have noticed these guys holding my hand and rubbing my leg under the table, especially since I was kicking him with it. Don't know how he couldn't have heard them telling me that I'm beautiful, like Cleopatra (yeah right). Don't know why he didn't wonder why they started to call me 'Queen' -- it had to do with that Cleopatra thing. Don't know how he didn't notice all the talk about me and them and babies... and all the winks and pinches and hair pulling that I employed to get his attention on the issue. When he finally got it, his eyes popped open to the size of dinner plates, "They've been doing this the whole time?"

We finally stumbled home in the wee hours of the morning. I am eagerly awaiting email from my new boyfriends -- I've always wanted to drive a Hummer through Africa.